“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”

- Buddha

Many women are naturally empathic. Some of us are especially so in this COVID climate, because we may bear witness to the intimate struggles of our friends, families, and co-workers while we offer our ears and our hearts to them. We may be overwhelmed by working from home, home-schooling our children, and trying to keep our hair from going grey. Amidst all of the unrest at home and in our world today, we owe the most compassion of all … to ourselves. 

Caring for oneself is no longer seen as “selfish,” but as vital to our well-being. If caring for others comes easier than caring for yourself, then this article is for you. It is time to learn the practice of self-care. As a therapist, I help people from all walks of life learn how to practice self-care, as it is critical to our physical and mental health. It combats anxiety, depression and burnout, while increasing mood and life satisfaction. Below are some steps to get you on your way to feeling the self-love!

Step 1)

Learn your ABC’s: Awareness, Balance & Connection

Develop an awareness around your own needs, emotions, resources and your own limits! Engage in a balanced practice of work, play, caregiving, and being taken care of by others. Grow the connection to yourself, others and to something larger than all of us. Knowing your ABC’s can be the difference between burnout and fatigue, to flat-out flourishing in your life.

Step 2)

Don’t be afraid of the “B” word: Boundaries

Create realistic expectations based on healthy boundaries. In action, this means: Say no more than yes sometimes, and if guilt sets in, smash it like a Whac-A-Mole. Guilt and shame do not reside in "Self-Careville." Boundaries are not about pushing people away, but about putting yourself first. Setting a boundary with your family, a boss, a colleague or a friend is an act of self-care, and the only approval we truly need is from ourselves.



Step 3)

Design your plan, Stan!: A “Self-Care Plan”

This will be as unique as you are and should include a routine to refuel when you are low on fumes. For some it may be journaling, playing their favorite music, saying no to those who continuously ask a lot of you, guided meditation, yoga, a detox from social media, sticking positive post-it notes around your house, setting boundaries with a boss, eating healthy, having a good sleep routine or cuddling with your dog. Whatever you choose, it WILL have mood-boosting and self-esteem building benefits. 

Some questions to consider when making your plan are: What are some things that comfort me? Who are my top three favorite people to spend time with? Who are my three least-favorite people to spend time with? What small steps can I make toward fulfilling all of my senses? What things had I dreamed of doing? What small steps can I make to inch toward reaching some of these dreams? These prompts will help you create a plan that gives you respite when you need it most.

Self-care is a practice, like many things worth doing, and by making yourself the lucky beneficiary, you are saying to yourself that you are worth it. Your self-care routine will breed hope, optimism, adventure, and peace of mind.